Happy Papa's Day

I have been steering clear of writing lately. I know why, too; there is just too much rattling around in this little noggin of mine. And, none of it is all that ‘rosy’, either. I suspect if I was an art student, I would be drawing/painting/carving something dark and foreboding. But, I’m a middle aged mom, going to school, awaiting the arrival of her first grandchild, running a cleaning business and, oh, yeah, that’s right, grieving the loss of her beloved dad.

Oh, that’s right, there’s that. The empty chair. The table for one and not two. The sparse amount of mail each day. Oh, yeah, that thing called, ‘grief’.

I am amazed. How dumb of me not to recognize all of these phases or stages, whatever theory you connect to, that I am experiencing. I have written countless papers about this; I have read dozens of articles about this, I have listened to lectures about this, and you would think that I would be ‘good’ at this by now. Well, if good is feeling like crap, then, I am golden. This sucks.

But we all go through it, some sooner rather than later. I suspect that dad is absolutely fine now, riding a bike or fishing with Sam or laughing with Ann or telling tales with grandpa and grandma and mom. I like to think about that. He’s just fine, perfect, now.

No more burned popcorn! No more lines at Walgreens! No more medication! No more support hose! No more hearing aids! Pork chops every night! ‘Law and Order’ on every channel! But more than anything, love, everywhere, all around him and living with Him. That is pretty awesome.

If you were to see your grandsons, you’d see them all wearing parts of you, mimicking things you do, just to be ‘like’ you. Sam wearing your Korea jacket, with all of the patches. Josh riding your bike. Ben reading his bible at the table, just like you. Alex wearing your marine corps hat; Jack wearing your slippers. Georgia making popcorn everynight, just like you. Those grandkids LOVED you.

So, dad, I’ll man the fort here. We are fine. But, we miss you so. Thank you for being the kind of dad/granddad that people really miss. Thanks for that. Thanks for being an amazing grandpa, greatgrandpa and papa. Love you lots,

Rose