Happy Birthday, Mom

Today is March 25th, which would have been my mother, Helen's 80th birthday. We lost mom 12 years ago.

All day long, I felt a bit melancholy, and my mind would wander and settle on memories of mom. I didn't really figure it all out, why this was happening, until I arrived home and dad announced that he had remembered it was mom's birthday. He promptly got in his car and drove to Topeka to her grave and paid his respects. Bless his heart.

Today while I was cleaning other people's homes, I got to thinking about how mom and I cleaned houses when she was in college. And then, I thought about how mom's mom, Ingeleave Gilmore also cleaned other people's homes. And, then, how her mom did the same thing.

I guess that may not be something to be proud of; we all want to reveal in our lineage that we were born of kings and queens and dukes and duchesses. But, not me. And, that is o.k.

Mom taught me alot, that is for sure. And, mom was a handful. Man, she was either a really fabulous mom or a dreadful, neglectful mom. When things were good, they were really, really good, like the time she announced to me after overhearing me talk on the phone with my girlfriend, Carol who was going on the senior trip to New York and Washington that, I should call Carol back and let her know that I was going to New York, too. We had no money. But, she put her most valuable possession, a large carat diamond, up as collaterol and borrowed the money to send me to NYC and Washington. She even took me to Macy's and bought me some clothes, too. That was the mom I like to remember.

I won't share the bad stuff. That seems disrespectful to me to share that in this kind of forum. All I will say is that when it was bad, it was really, really bad.

But, back on the cleaning thing. I come from a long line of women who cleaned other's dirty homes. But, what I also come from is a long line of strong, hardworking, independent women, who were willing to do whatever it took to help feed their families. I think I like the sound of that better.

In a couple of months, I am travelling with one of my sisters to meet, face-to-face, my half brother. I've known about my brother since I was 10 years old, when this same sister let it slip that mom had given up a baby for adoption before she and dad married.

Such a scandal.

Mom would not talk much about this baby. As we got older, mom would tell us more of the story, a little at a time. But, it was obvious from her face that she wondered about him, longed a bit for him and felt very sad about him. We knew him as Steven.

She kept him for three weeks.

She realized she couldn't support him, and signed the papers.

And then, she kind of spiraled into a few years of being really, really lost, bouncing around the country, into dead end jobs, trying to forget.

A few years before she died, I was home visiting mom and dad and she asked me if I would help her find Steven. She wanted to know what became of him. Fortunately, it was not hard to find him, and he was looking for mom at the same time. Less than a month after asking me to find him, mom and her now grown up first born, talked on the phone.

She never got to meet him, face to face, cold feet on mom's part. Just a few months before she died, he was going to travel to KS from WI where he lives, to meet her. He said he wanted to thank her for providing him with a wonderful family. He wanted to thank her. I love that.

Through the power of Facebook, I have been able to keep in touch with my oldest sibling. When I look at him, I see my mom. There she is! He looks more like her than any of the rest of us!

I can't wait to kiss and hug him. I want to do it for my mom, Helen. Happy Birthday, mom. I miss you and love you.

My Life Preserver: Headquarters Crisis Center

I am mad, hopping mad, so mad I came home from cleaning all day, and cleaned some more. So, there you go.

I am mad because a local jewel, Headquarters Crisis Center will see a big reduction in support from KU, if the finance committee of Student Senate has their way.

I became familiar with Headquarters when my family needed life support. I didn't know I needed their support; I was in a fog, in shock, wandering through my days after my husband, Gordon took his life on May 4, 2004.

His suicide was a front page story and was on television and radio. I'm still pissed about this because it hit the news before I even told both of our kids. But, something 'good' came from this exposure: it connected me with Headquarters.

I received a letter from Marcia Epstein about one week after Gordon died. Marcia has been the director of Headquarters for a long, long time. She read in the paper about his suicide and wanted to reach out to me and the kids. I am grateful that this exposure connected us to Marcia and Headquarters.

Marcia told me about a support group at Headquarters for those who had lost a loved one to suicide. She offered her time and support. I count this letter from Marcia as one of my most important papers. She basically threw me a life preserver when I was drowning in grief.

I am not sure how many times I have attended this support group at Headquarters since receiving that letter nearly 7 years ago. But, what I do know, is that every, single time I go, I am welcomed, hugged and HEARD. I am able to share and support others who have recently lost a loved one to suicide.

Headquarters' phone number (785-841-2345) is one I remember and recite to others who are especially vulnerable and would benefit from their services. I have shared it with law students when I worked at the KU School of Law; I have shared it with tutors I supervised when I directed a tutoring center; I have shared it with clients when I was completing my first practicum.... I have shared it with alot of people because sometimes, people need access to a life preserver when they are sinking fast.

I wrote to my student senator and told her how important Headquarters is for my family. I don't know what else to do! This place, with the fluffy pillows and kleenex boxes and colorful paintings and warm hugs SAVED ME. It is THAT important.

I pray that others will join me in throwing Headquarters now a life preserver! We cannot let anything happen to this VITAL service, which has undoubtedly saved many many KU students, faculty and staff!

Join me in supporting Headquarters Crisis Center! It saved me! Now, let's save Headquarters!